I am on a Reiki high after spending my weekend with 11 other amazing soul sisters doing Reiki 1. We laughed, cried, talked, ate and went deep together and it was something very special being in a healing circle of women. We all wanted to stay in that bubble forever.
One of the things we learned about was the Chakra system. I knew about Chakras before, but this went deeper and connected the dots on many things for me. One of the main take aways for me is that as an empath who is very dialled into the spiritual and energetic world, my chakra system is likely ‘top heavy’ meaning that the top 3 (throat, third eye and crown) are all working overtime getting too much energy and the lower 3 (root, sacral and solar plexus) are disconnected. This is why grounding is so important. The heart is the middle chakra which connects all 6.
I used to be someone who very rarely cried. When I went to Africa 12 years ago, I remember visiting a primary school in a slum and the kids were so excited and happy to see us – the love and joy emanating from their gorgeous little faces all at once was powerful. I was so overwhelmed that I stood there balling my eyes out and couldn’t stop. I didn’t know why! My chest was aching and I couldn’t make sense of any of it at the time. I know now that the love in the room being directed at me and the others in my group was SO powerful that my heart chakra had a huge open and release. It was very special and something I will always remember.
A few years later my Dad died, and I did cry a little but not much. I couldn’t. I didn’t feel like crying. I just felt numb. I didn’t know at the time that I had gone into survival mode. I numbed out all my feelings. I never felt sad, but I couldn’t feel happy either – numb one feeling, you numb them all. A year later, I had been having bad pains in my leg and hip for a while but I just kept pushing past it and working out twice a day, ignoring my body trying to tell me something. My cat died unexpectedly which broke my heart and then I bulged a disc in my spine the very next day. I couldn’t walk, sit or stand for 5 solid weeks. The floodgates opened and I cried and cried. I had no idea there are so many different TYPES of crying – I did them all, every single day for 5 weeks. During that time I learned so much about myself. So much about why I had an inability to cry. My Mum was the one caring for me and at one time told me to stop crying because I am a woman and only babies cry. Mic drop! That was a huge turning point for me. I knew then that my conditioning had been that you aren’t allowed to cry once you pass a certain age. Mum had been brought up to believe crying is for the weak. She is Maltese – they don’t do sad, they do mad!
Thanks to the weekend just gone, I can now connect the dots that because my lower 3 chakras were unwell due to not being able to express emotions and always being up in my head, my root chakra (at the same location as my bulged disc) had become so disconnected that it manifested an injury so extreme, it quite literally brought me to my knees and forced me to face myself in ways I never had before. It was an awfully painful time, but it shone a light into all of the dark areas – it changed my life in the best of ways. My heart chakra burst open, and open it has stayed – I see the world so differently, and I am forever grateful for what I consider to be a total rebirthing of myself. That total breakdown was my absolute breakthrough.